a blue eyed boy

afraid, i held his hand.
i have tried to unpick you;
my throat of wax, kiss build-up.

a wasp sting on my neck
i have lost count of all your orgasms
pooling into my palms,

in every orifice of my weathered carcass,
the choir bleeds from the church.
my ex calls me “chou-belle” on the phone

as a blue eyed boy laughs in the background
i fall in love with his tundra
afraid, i held his hand.

you fleeting wretch of joy.
you can of worms.
why?

and why not?
nothing stains your gums
every time you raise your lips to me

except there is a burn.
i wet my insides for your detest
i want you to come inside me.

afraid, i held his hand.
i dried the surfaces, needed no one,
screamed rain as he stared at me.

a blue eyed boy
beat me to death with happy
until unafraid, he held my hand.

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i keep colouring us grey

–  you’re the last petal on this daisy.

don’t know the truth hanging on your lip
just keep colouring us grey.

in the bar i punch you
in the bed i hum you

to shake off the guy in my hair
to be a fragile girl sucking her heart like a dummy.

tomorrow you’re reading a book
i’ll not really notice

but see you smoking outside
i’ll die in my own arms

broken bits of stars in my eyes
you’d smile that smile you give

in awe
in pensive mood

just keep colouring us grey.
can’t shade us cerulean over beer sex and feminism

can’t give you violet with fat joints and doorstep kisses
can’t stream emerald on our carcasses

we’re boys night out and your blonde hairs on my fur coat
we’re pool tables and the smell of your apartment on my jeans

your grey
my arch

vomiting rain day by day
your eyes stained of cloud

no i couldn’t cry at all
yes i could burn away tomorrow

–  i’m the last daisy in this field.

and you love me not as i love you
and you love me as i love you not.

and from time to time, you will think of me

i remember that look. the smile that carved out gold from my tears.
the twitch and fold of our limbs.

i was always too cold.
you were always too warm.

lie naked
undrugged, sober, a box of maltesers rattling at our feet.

no one kisses me like you do.
no one cools me like you do.

a piece of sky slithers down my back
somewhere, that same piece of sky has drifted over you.

and we are breathing the same air.
and sometimes our hearts are falling to the same beat.

and from time to time, you will think of me
as that creature of hungry love.

my tongue is shattered, it cannot talk.
my sad eyes tilting the shade of you.

i remember that look. the stare that bent the moon in half.
and our bed, haven ground for hard breathing.

i was always too cold.
you were always too warm.

and from time to time, you will think of me.

and from time to time, i will think of you.