i’m only good for the cigarettes in my pocket

someone puts a spoon in me and stirs.
i am piccadilly circus on amphetamines
the alcohol gurgling in my eyes

i go to the bathroom, i throw up
the boys help themselves to my cigarettes,
to my self-respect, but they don’t even know it.

and i can’t help but wish
someone was holding my hair behind my neck right now
to stop my mistakes sticking between the strands

and a heavy heart of disgrace
as a friend blames me in his slurry state
for getting kicked out of a lock in we weren’t invited to

there’s coke on my shoulders
and a kid inside my bones wailing to get out
i think of the freesias my mother gave me for my birthday

and shiver
because i have lost the Barbie girl in me
who loves daisies and swings and orange juice

this woman threatens me in the mirror,
she gets afraid of the confronting night
and storms out of the apartment, angry,

that she’s only good for the cigarettes in her pocket
and that she shares nothing
but all of herself

to wasted thursdays under the glare of red wine
and abuse from people who don’t even ask her
where the hell she comes from

but spill their pride like cum all over her face
and tell her to clean up
and tell her to bleach away the bruises speckling her smile.

i never saw such a woman.
but she wore six inch boots and fur coats
and she scared me.

the hours gloop down my throat
and so i give up on people
and so i quit smoking.

Advertisements

One thought on “i’m only good for the cigarettes in my pocket

  1. One of the best poem I have ever read.. I keep reading your poems out loud.. this is how I am going to spend my Saturday night. I will not go out with that crazy Italian girl

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s