the world

when i was of a certain age
god got out his belt and lashed the planet
to my back
and how the oceans tipped back into my lungs
and how the land crashed into my chest
there were thunderstorms
going off in my head
and voices that sounded like hurricanes in my ears
my body driftwood
and yet a kind of gravity
milking all of the world’s problems
my waist swelling
the moon with a box of kleenex by its side
watching me weep
the world is big
and hard, i suppose
it is the rucksack that never leaves my shoulders.
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you make my heart beat really really hard

melt me to stone

i have loved autumns colder than a raindrop on your forehead

i am stuck inside that hole in your t-shirt

and clinging to the hairs on your chest

parasitic to your heart

because you make my heart beat really really fast

    and i can’t pretend this november didn’t pull the plug on gravity

  why don’t you say you love me 

  why don’t you say you love me 

hy don’t you say you love me

why don’t you say you love me 

why don’t you say you love me

i am broken water

won’t you drink me up?
and make my heart beat really really fast
like guns
and bedposts knocking against the wall, yell at me
and bedposts knocking against the wall, yell at me

and bedstands knocking against the wa
and bedstands knocking against the wall, yell at me
and bedstands knocking against the wall, yell at me
and bedstands knocking against the wall, yell at me
and bedstands knocking against the wall, yell at me

melt me to a pink
kiss me each time you blink
i am stuck inside that hole in your t-shirt
and cannot get out
and cannot breathe

i want the heavy breathing
i want a body on me
to crush me
and to crush my lungs in your palms like sweets

why don’t you say you love me
why don’t you say you love me

     hy don’t you say you love me

why don’t you say you love me
why don’
t you say you love me

but you make my heart beat really really fast
but you make my heart beat really really fast
but you make my heart beat really really fast
but you make my heart beat really really fast
but you make my heart beat really really fas
but you make my heart beat really really fast
bu
t you make my heart.beat really really fast

mdma in the library

i guessed half as much the night wouldn’t come to this
we bombed the pcs up
i am like the way your heart stops when you download a virus
onto your laptop
and i am like the fear of losing your words
i am mdma in the library
and coke lining your kitchen sink
and i am fucking the sun with my mouth
and begging for a sip
have you ever burned yourself like this?
and you were fucking my mouth
and not knowing who you were supposed to be
you hung your body up on a coat hanger
and wired yourself to my limbs
said to yourself to be someone else’s for a few hours
it was holding the moon between my teeth
and holding my tongue as you hold my hand
there is a shift
i guessed half as much the night wouldn’t come to this
i am like the way your heart stops when you lose your wallet
and i am like swallowing too much seawater
and throwing up at the feet of your mother
somewhere in majorca
and wishing you’d had a better day
i am mdma in the library
and coke lining your kitchen sink
i am the evidence that would wash away 
that would dissipate
but like air, you never forget to heave in  
i am the drowning
and i am never sorry of how i can pull you under
it is because i never once reciprocated.

fucking waste of time

you think that all the language in the world
will unhinge the fact that you might just be
grade 0, rock bottom,

pretending,
imposing,
or maybe just even plain bored of all of us

because in the fields of whys and wherefores
you could never really make definitions
around a shapeless concept like me

and you could never really speak about how
your chest thumps like the sun
when you see her in the streets

and throws up like the moon
when you see me
lying on your pillow.

you think that all the language in the world
will unhinge the fact that when i dropped
you couldn’t pick me up

you held me and made me colder than your grandfather’s last breath
whatever was funny back then
never mattered now

whenever we hung out
you were the syllable that got stuck in my throat
and i just couldn’t cough you out

because you,
you, male, ventriloquist of the kiss
could never see

i was, am, always,
a thousand times worth more
than one beat of your heart.

i needed a break from all of that, y’see

your eyes confuse me because often,
you look angry.

i’ve always misinterpreted our 2am conversations, you give your miracles
but you’re no prophet, not to me.

i sit on your carpet,
you fall asleep in a hurting sun.

i am forever leaving at 6 am.
you, you’ve tied 3 am around your tongue,

and i,
well i needed a break from all of that, y’see

staring into you
whilst you analyse my little head

for all my flaws and mistakes,
they shed and peel, but i am probably the ghost that stands under your archway at night

i kick the leaves outside my home in manchester
i have been thinking about you

i don’t think this is going to work,

do you?