Lessons Learned #4

For a friend.

and i was there,
because they too, the lovers
thread all the hearts they have broken
around their necks

fat and bursting with the words never meant
the mixed messages
the unreturned calls
and the sleepless nights you popped went unnoticed.

i will make this simple and quick
break your own heart
cease to exist, become a colour they can’t touch
empty their rainbows

control

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kinda tragic

well they do say third time’s a charm
you fulfilled the brief, what’s your mother like?
you are a kind of word that stays on my tongue
a sort of, cliffhanger?

— kinda tragic man,
your bones are rotting fruit
your heart’s a bag of brittle
you’re overcooked

sometimes i think hard about your excuses
the way they multiply like cancer
oh i couldn’t be here to do this
                i won’t be there to do that

i’m not bitter;
just pensive about the fact you haven’t shaved in weeks.
i used to marry us two together and forge rings in my mouth,
our wedding date clashed with your appointment at the barber’s

sometimes i think hard about your poorly face
how desperate i was to leave
and how you stained my sheets with cheats
god give me strength

it’s kinda tragic
that being happy now means i write less
it’s kinda tragic
that we moved the fuck on.

support

i feel that money fade
              it’s shiny
     queens and kings,
 politicians wink
            papers for crystals
      stuck in straws
‘it’s cleaner this way’
         you said you’d support me
i feel that smile fade
      sing me
            woman,
   you’re the kind of friend
                    i need to leave
  mean
  it’s something in your veins
               it’s the drip
                   in the mornings
preaching
relentless depression
              elevation
                    she got addicted
     and no one listening
she sells crack in the other division
    sleeping between two males
             pretending
             you blink
eating your food
                you miss a heartbeat
lack of support
    poor rapport
                   her father
  with the cat’s eyes
                 you the swim
this is a vision
        twisted
                 money for crystals
they excavate from her lungs
          you judge
                        like a demon.