When We Die

N.B. 10/2/16 03:48am, I wrote this only hours before you left me. How could I have known? My sixth sense is strong, no? How time has changed me. How time has changed you. My face is not crushed in the disappearance of your kiss. But it is fixed by no longer loving the single cold form you are, that no one will ever, can ever, appreciate.

You think that when we die
or fizzle out
that maybe you’ll just go out drinking and replace me with the night

right up until the birds are saying go to bed at 5 am
you think that when you replace me
everything will fall into place better than it did before

at 19 I find aches in places I didn’t know existed inside me
I’m waiting for a call to say I’m redundant
and my heart’s just not needed anymore

when broken glass skirts the corners of where you live
and you taste somebody else’s lips with your liquor
you’ll remind yourself that we were the misfit that confused everybody

we were so different
like A and Z
yes we were all wrong for each other

and doing this is fine and it’ll be okay
if you just close your eyes
and forget that a different pair of legs are straddling you

in some other broken universe
you can find me digging graves
for all the different pieces of me I shared with you

I’ll take my broken bones
and heave them into the soil
and find a new body to steal

I haven’t lived inside my own body for years now
I demolished the thing when I moved into yours never thinking we’d die but now
I know that we will and when we die

you’ll have the night to turn to
you’ll have the daybreak to confide in
and the hangovers to blame

but I’ll just have my face smashed into the concrete of your disappearing kiss.


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