feel for ya

N.B. this was written 26/03/16 but sometimes stuff warrants an audience
it doesn’t hurt you
to see me steaming you off my walls
i’d better redecorate myself
i regret you, bad colour
i go out with 2 or 3 friends
happily taken, i am their final single friend
another year 13 student rats me out
to the teachers at school
for writing statuses about elitism
and i laugh because bitches never change
i read poetry books bite my lip at the gym
run and hike and pretend i never fell for anyone
the regular on a wednesday pumps iron
he approaches me and asks
i don’t go out on a date with him
because i have organ failure
i took my heart and smashed it against your mother’s forehead
and told her to cook it for your dinner
because i won’t be needing it anymore
sometimes i could pin you down
like a voodoo doll
and teach you curses to make your daddy squeal
but you’re already dead to me
i feel for ya
when you say you’re scared to fall in love with me again
but we’re enough subdued to never kiss again
you’re a cloud spoiling my blue sky
nevertheless i cry on the beach
you drink
you lie to yourself
do the things i used to think were cool
it must hurt you hard to watch me gnaw my fingernails down
each of them a door disappearing
to somewhere new with you
but who are we to love each other
mutual sluts with lies swung around our necks
i treat you bad in the beginning
you treat me bad in the end
i feel for ya
if this is all you could come up with for unconscious revenge.

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