dear person

i give good blowjobs
and i’m decent at cooking
i make the best cheer-the-fuck-up cookies
and i’m funny when i’m drunk

i can get lost in the gym
just stick joris voorn on loud
and i turn to soup
my ex said the colour of me (all parts) is latina

but i’m just half african
i look good at sunset
eyes turn green (or yellow occasionally), but only people who fancy me notice it
some girls have had crushes on me i’ve always wanted to know more

i’m not surprised that
i’m deeply insecure and vulnerable
my skeleton is young
but not easily broken

my bones are really dense and heavy cos of dad
so they use higher radiation levels on me in hospitals
this i know because a girl who bullied me on my street
broke my wrist once when i was 8 and i had to get it sorted

i tell people i don’t like to get lost
i banish bad
if i’m depressed i either sleep all day
or get up and eat cereal cry then go and laugh with a friend

but these days i go to the gym instead
do my work
or listen to rap with fifi
who is the most middle class white person i’ve ever met

i do get high sometimes
i love talking about my family
my algerian family
and then i like to talk about mum and dad

tell em bout how cool my parents are
how cool i get to be
i’m decent in bed
i’m not interested in you wasting my time

it will take us years to be best friends
you will know my head very quickly
i am readable
everybody at school at some point has read my work

and probably thought i was a bitch
because of the people i’ve dissed
i’m just interested in turning my upset into art
and my friends have better clothes than me

my tastes are eclectic
i listen to bangin’ tunes
i have the best taste in music
and you have to give me a chance to prove it

i still listen to nina simone
even though the ex that broke my heart like a month ago
spoiled her for me
but i forgot about him staining every record i like

hell i force myself to watch tv shows i associate with my exes
i refuse them to ruin me
because i’m cool and just cos we’re dead doesn’t mean i can’t watch season 3 anymore
and i will revisit the same places we’ve been

cos i don’t stop living
i get lost
i demand my mother read to me before bed time
i demand my father tell me he love me

yes i am an adult
yes i am a child
i am spoiled for choice between the two
i don’t like people who spoil jokes with politics (though i love politics)

and i think cat calling men is funny
i don’t like people who shove feminism in my face
even though i think its important
and i hate the inequality i see everywhere

but it really upsets me
so i eat a banana and paint a picture to take my mind off it
not to be selfish or ignorant
but it makes me feel even worse about my life

i do ask god questions
i do ask my deceased friends and family if they’re looking after me
i talk about philosophy and think about creation every day
i pray, i’m not assigned to a particular religion

i read tarot cards and love astrology
i’d rather have puppies than human friends
there’s plenty more for you to scrape at
but if you’re still interested

i can run for a long time without stopping now
and i’m a lot thinner cos i got fed up of feeling like eating stuff
would fill all the holes inside my soul
it takes me no time whatsoever to forgive

i hate animosity
i am friends with all my enemies
even if they don’t realise it
and i just want peace really

i am friends with all my exes
even if they don’t realise it
and i don’t talk about them really
unless something reminds me of them

sometimes my writing doesn’t make either of these things seem that way
but publicising my brain’s thought processes
is kinky to me
and sometimes people wanna read it

i just have to get it off my chest
and i don’t mind the world knowing
and i’m always sad when people get upset
cos i’m upset too

and i don’t like it if you get pissed that i dated someone before you
i don’t like people who take life too seriously
but i want you to take me seriously
however i don’t take me too seriously

i actually love laughing at myself
and i love it when my friends take the piss out of me
self-deprecation is my favourite language
my dog is my brother

my mother is my best friend
my best friend is a younger sister from another mister,
even though she’s actually older
but i still feel older than her

my dad is my best friend and king too
but he’s so protective that i wonder sometimes if he can even breathe
he’s weird like me
and he’s a marshmallow but you have to be his daughter or wife to see it

i could eat chocolate all day everyday but i stop myself now (as well as Nando’s and KFC)
i like to people watch
and i like to watch old films
and i like to go to my park and look at flowers

i’m a very normal human being
i have simple pleasures
i love you
can’t wait to meet you,

love me xoxox


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