I Want To Understand You

N.B. To a young boy I used to know very well, wherever he is. And to the old version of me who used to love him, because she would know where he is.
it’s hard
turning a shade whiter
trying to swallow the oceans
and wearing myself like the pages of a book
or speak like the rain

but i would’ve done it
if you’d let me break you in
like new shoes
because you might’ve thrown your old heart out
like wasted meat

and i preferred it’s chewiness
compared to the suppleness of it’s new skin now
silkiness is what you wanted
i wanted to understand you
and i would’ve done my best

i would’ve stained the whites of my eyes with sunlight
i would’ve sipped the sweat of your lungs
i want to understand you
but you are a foreign war in some ways
how can i understand if i couldn’t watch my world change?

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