re-reading the break-up

i’ve stared deep into the world tonight.
it’s difficult, really.
i re-read our break-up.

sure it was painful,
and i think i disagree with myself in places,
cause’ all the times we fucked in the car

and all the times we were dipping into each other’s reflections
still matter.
i was that atm machine waiting for your withdrawal,

i was that nighttime kiss
given obliviously
given unconditionally

i was that cheque cashed in
i was sooner spent than saved and admired,
these sunsets are riper without you in my arms.

it would mean gravity to me
if you could find the courage to bless me
with a “sorry, i treated you like shit”

but all of this silence points to the contrary
my blood is weak pink
and diluted with tears

i re-read our break-up
i confess it didn’t hurt the second time
cause’ i started to see other men in different lights

and it doesn’t sting looking at your name anymore
there is a faint reminder
of what you are and what you were

you have disappeared from all of my horizons
and i turn my little rowboat around
and paddle back to shore

even in the ocean
took me some time to realise you never took me for granted
but that i just gave too much

gave you my skin my shoes and my toes
for words as heavy as air
and as hollow as your face

some people say you’re kind and gentle
some people think that for a giant like you
you’re sweet

your ginger hair makes people think
you were bullied at school and you’re shy
and kind and cute

you were all of these things, sure
minor the bullying, but i had kissed all of them
some say beauty fades

and i guess re-reading our break-up
would say that you were the hag that made me
bite the apple.

it would mean existence to me
if you would turn around tomorrow
and say “wow i was an idiot”

but your flesh your eyes your tongue
taste like sour milk and bitterness
i doubt you’ll ever rise again

there is a faint reminder of what you were and what you are
i have touched it on many an occasion,
and in doing this,

i have exhaled you from my lungs like a joke,
like poison removed from my blood,
i have sponged you away

with only a little scab on my chest
with only a tiny breakage in my rowboat
with only a small tear in the sky

yes i’ve stared deep into the world tonight,
and i re-read your departure
all of this is fixable, i am fixable

but you, disappointing human, cannot fix you.


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