Change

Well it’s tough shit to be this much of a dick,
Wipe your tits and throw caution to the wind
Cos love comes out of you like piss
And people change where the tide moves em.
Feel them.
You’ve every right to be at university,
Lemme say it quite comfortably,
You’ve got to give the impression you’re cool so get drunk
Because you’ve inhaled all the world’s characters into your lungs
And it’s difficult.
None of this change is wilful,
The mornings on the high street and the taste of last night’s kiss,
This is a hard life,
Life isn’t fair, and it comes at you in spades
And threatens to burn your family in your sleep,
I no longer eat,
I’m that body just breathing
And feeling no difference.
I do myself no favours,
I let emotion corrupt my stomach
Like vomit corrupts flavour
I take the time to savour the opportunity
But it’s not working out for me,
And I could change,
I’m angrier,
I’m harder,
I’m tougher,
Here’s my thick skin
It’s chaving
And I’m chasing something better than my dreams.
Thing is I just don’t know what.
I blow hot
I blow cold
The stress is making me old,
Today has to be better
Mum I’m feeling so under the weather,
I’m trying to deal with leaving Cornwall,
One foot in one uni, another in the other,
Trying to fit in living at home cos it hurts too much right now to live alone,
Finding somebody to pay for my tuition
Because the government just won’t listen
And students are finding it hard to make a living,
Tryna deal with the conversion of Ben
From being joined at the hip
To miles and miles away dealing in different business
And overcoming the hate when he drinks surrounded by other kids
And I go to bed in tears and he gets younger in years
I have no clue anymore,
I haven’t got an idea of what I want
Or where I need to be,
I want the arms and hugs of people best in company
And next weekend when I see him it’s make it or break it,
I’ll either still love him
Or can’t do it, it’s tearing me in bits,
Because having all of your life ahead of ya is hard
And people tell you that
But then tell you to live in the moment
And one day I’m going to be something,
I swear of it, and if I’m not I will make sure of finding another way around it,
I’m gonna love myself,
I’m gonna tell myself it’s worth it
And fuck love or change if it’s getting in my way of finding true happiness
Truth is I just don’t know what my kind of happiness is yet
But I like to think if I could turn the clock back
To being a kid and glad
Of just sunshine and orange juice
And my brain being soundproof of self-hatred,
That I would be the best
And moving down to Aberystwyth
Might sound like a good idea at the time
But I would sound unbelievably pathetic,
And all I really want is my mum and dad,
My childhood,
For him to stay in love,
Being 18 is complicated
Because you’re still a kid,
Even though the world’s telling you you’re an adult, so grow a pair Lyds
I feel bitter,
And don’t trust anyone with my heart,
I take drugs to make myself better
And for the rest of it I starve,
But seeing two magpies every morning
Makes the day feel more promising
I’ve no friends,
None left to love,
But “LYDS YOU’VE GOT ALL YOU COULD EVER WANT”
Dry these tears of a clown,
I’m proud to be privileged and not feel like I have it all,
I’m gonna do what I’ve gotta do for me,
I’m going to deal with change like chewing stones
But eventually I’ll swallow
Eventually this shit will get better
It always has to,
And as much as I’m exhausted,
I know what I’ve had to forfeit,
But give me a taste of this new world and be good to yourself, girl,
That at the end of the day he’s just another boy who you’re crazy about
And they’re your parents who’ll support you no matter what,
And Hannah and Swathi will love you,
Honey you’ve got yourself the lot,
And adjust and in time it’ll come soon enough,
That change can be great and change can be shit,
But throw yourselves into it,
And love it,
That if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be,
And if not you’ll one day get over it,
So pull yourself up and let you shake you by the collar,
This is life,
This is change,
And nobody,
And nothing,
Stays the same.
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