i have destroyed everything i want
and everything i have lived for
and soon i will make that final drag of the knife
and kill myself

i have burned myself at both ends
and burned the bridge
the water won’t flow underneath there anymore
i have burned my dreams

and they are black and cold
and i am a girl,
very much alone
i have heaved the knife into my lungs

i have soaked my lips in poison
i have scattered ben to the wind
i have taken mother and father
and hung them on the rope, on the flag

all this
all these cliffs and cornwall
i want you all
i have taken hannah and reignited the flame

and then poured my tears
so the flame burns the student accommodation
and so the papers and the books and the money
is wasted like flesh, like love

i am yet to destroy my body
and tilt to a shade of purple
i have yet to sell myself to the devil
give him my soul on a platter of baked beans

and cheap wine
i have yet to thread the sharp edge of this dagger from my mother’s kitchen
deep into my poorly stomach
i will do it

i will be ruined and ruin.


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