Spearmint Gum

It’s my favourite flavour.
Some people buy tacky cherry.
Or Airwaves peppermint. That stuff gives me a headache.

No, Extra Spearmint has it right.
I chew it on long car journeys to Cornwall.
I don’t get travel sick on it either.

I share my chewing gum with all my boyfriends,
Some of them snapped on it like they had piranha teeth.
You can imagine how those relationships turned out.

Others grunted as they kneaded and folded it under their tongues,
And I hate the sound of loud snorting eaters.
You can imagine how those relationships turned out.

There were chipmunks, there were dragons,
There were shy kittens and cool and confident mice.
Cool like the ones who wore sunglasses in Shrek.

There were dogs, specifically Rottweilers
And sharks too.
I had rabbits too, Bugs Bunny types,

I think there was even a T-Rex at one point.
I had a whole zoo in my heart momentarily,
I remember the monkey who nicked my spearmint gum

And the lion who wanted more.
I had a crocky-croc, and the even more flamboyant peacock
Chomping on my gum once.

But out of all the animals I dated,

The giraffe tasted the best.

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