I Am Not A Virgin

“I am not a Virgin”.

He looked at me like dust.
Wafted the words away
As though I’d buzzed blue bottles
Into his face.

If you’re suddenly intimate with somebody
You’re a whole new human being,
Reborn into a garbage truck,
Used goods,
A blunt pencil.

How many people did you sleep with?
Well just the one,
Why not more?
What’s the use of having a traffic light on the motorway
If it’s always on green?
Regulate yourself like an A road, or there’ll be a traffic jam,

If we’re used and abused,
We turn into fools,
We think luck will fall and drop to the sky
Like rainbows and leprechauns, more traffic,
More lucky charms for breakfast,
Three-leaf clover waving for a green light.

You fall in love with something other,
An alien, a foreign body,
And then they penetrate your life in such an unknown way
So you let in the wanted and unwanted.

Some people use genitals
As genetic points,
As goo shots darting that enemy,
As a game of Laser Quest
You’re first place,
I hunt out for the folly, for the fickle,

Why sleep with anyone?
Why close your eyes at the horizon
And share the darkness
As vulnerable as blood,
To be scored and cut,
To have the knife wounds,
And wear them like pearls when it’s scarred over,
Or have the same something pick the scars they made on your heart?
Gorgeous marks for life.

To let your skin stretch like a sock,
To expand the space like lemonade,
Or peel yourself like an apple.

“I am not a virgin”,
The word must be dirty
Even if it is clean,
Cleaner than fresh faces,
Cleaner than lemon juice,
Cleaner than white cotton sheets,
Cleaner than a scarlet, full, juicy heart.

That when you tumble into bed with the world,
The world holds you,
Like a mother’s cradling arms,
You’ll come to know if she’s abusive,
When the bruises bloom like blossoms,
And your insides run like rain,
And your eyeballs glassy as they fill up with the sea.

Oh that’s vulnerability.
That is lonesome. Like a dog locked out in the rain.
That is pain. As threatening as a razor.
That is your heart, swelling like popcorn.

POP!

That explosion gave birth to a universe of heartbreak.

Yes, only one man, I gave into completely.

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