Personal Problems: 1st Account

Lover,
Tell me something innately personal
That pains you like so;
Whilst you think, let me tell you mine.

Your body has cleansed me dry of my scars that so many licked on me,
Drenched me dry
Can we padlock our palms together before I take my transatlantic journey to fame,
I’ll be an actress and you some sort of fish scientist,
Take your bones and carve out a future with them,
If I were forever young I’d read out my pages of bullies,
I’d tear out the dilemmas, the beatings,
Cinderella’s cocaine use,
And leave only the happy ever afters,
It’s stories like these which where people see our names,
They’ll flock to my wordpress and begin with their magnifying glass,
Lift out their names, their references,
Dignify themselves with a shout-out

These people innocent like sand dune terrain
I can kick them to the air and in the stomach they’ll gulp their drugs
How many crushes did I have in my supremely white education
And tell you I’ve been bad,
I’ve been had,
I’ve been suspended when I’ve already left,
I laughed in a teacher’s face, told her where to go,
To take the work and turn me into a drug,
If we all get addicted to my personality then at least I know you’ll all like me, love me,
I’m so funny.

I’ve got a ton of secrets Lover,
Did they know I can turn gossip into a pocket watch for how soon the bomb will explode into a cat fight?
They blow my cigarettes out of my mouth,
They’ve gassed me in the fumes of their words,
I’m the apple that went sick,
That said “Nazi” in front of the Headmistress,
And they know all about the gossip
About “marrying my cousin”
I’d marry myself to the moon if I could,
I’d curdle water under my nails till it turned into custard,
I’d weep on grass until it became so dry from the salt
It turned to sand,
I’d take a steak, cut off the fatty rim and outline it around the Earth
And say “Live the American Dream”
From the fat of this complicated land
Filled with little people saying
“Yes”, “No”,
“Please”, “Thank you”,
“Sunny-side up” and “On the rocks”
I’d wear bikinis and say that if you licked the padding it’d taste like strawberries
Absurd, isn’t it?

This is how weird I have come to be
I am neither
Between girls stuck between sending a snapchat to their crush and finding their boyfriend on Tinder
Do you think they know about my tattoo yet?
Do you think that little group “Squad” has realised yet?
When I left school, I took hell into my hands and said I’d look after it whilst the Devil was on holiday,
I’m a temporary Satan.

I’m taking every promise they made to me,
Friends bade me,
And shoving it down their throats into their stomachs
And letting them vomit them back out all over my chest.
“I am God, la de dah”
You told me to calm down and so I did,
From a dragon with a stickleback
To quiet waves lapping on your quiet toes.

I like you Lover.
Your eyes are full of language and pain and sores that smoke my tongue and I breathe you in
And taste the world from your soft point of view.
People are as lovely as kisses, as powerful as the dark,
They all yearn for a balcony to stand on and yell their problems to the ocean,
And yell they will, to their friends,
A watery equivalent,
With trust as liquid as vanity,
Like canned tomato soup.
I think I am a young child again with you,
And not the 40 year old I want to be,
With wisdom so warm it burns my throat.

I like you Lover,
I like the personal,
Now it’s your turn.

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